we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
