So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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