dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just had sex bonerless
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
