Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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