omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
