why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
