I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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