So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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