I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
