be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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