I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
