What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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