The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My bed smells like the plague
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
