I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
