tell your sister to shave her snatch
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
