I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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