Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
