i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He shit in the fireplace
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
