I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize