uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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