I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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