i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
