who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
