i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
