I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
