But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
