No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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