Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
