my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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