Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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