Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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