i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its not stalking. its research.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
