Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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