You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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