she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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