I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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