apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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