U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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