I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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