oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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