Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
