I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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