Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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