I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
