I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My liver just broke up with me...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
