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you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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