woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
