Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
