I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
