When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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