We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
