Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
