i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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