there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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