Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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